I haven't blogged here for a while because a lot has happened. Daddy suddenly worsened and died a couple of weeks ago. Then there was the funeral, and then I moved back to Amarillo to live with Tom and Sue.
Last night proved to me that I am not coping with the last few weeks as well as I appeared to be doing. My dreams were not nightmares, but close. I dreamed that all manner of religious people and authorities were threatening me. I was back in Borger in some little hole-in-the-wall makeshift "church" and some bully was screaming at me that Daddy and "God" were mad at me for upetting Daddy by trying to clean him up that last time we had to change him, the night before he died. I mumbled something about it being bullshit and the bully came raging at me, screaming that I MUST believe as he told me. Every word I spoke triggered another tirade. Linda yanked me out of the building and told me I had to apologize and pretend to believe because if I didn't I would be hutt or killed. Then, suddenly, I was in southern Utah, and everyone around me (other than Linda) was a polygamist. I kept explaining that I wasn't supposed to be there but they kept threatening me.
I'll try to add more later if/when I can reconstruct it in my mind.
Thursday, September 1, 2011
Sunday, August 14, 2011
An interesting night.
Last night was.....er.... interesting....
Dean's gf from the Phillipines got online and asked me where he was, so I went and told him she was asking about him. He got up to go to the bathroom then get on his computer, but didn't make it. He made it to the bathroom okay, but when I went past the kitchen he wasn't at his computer. I looked a little closer and there he was, lying on the floor in front of the dryer. I don't know if he fell or laid down there, but it took both MV and me to get him up and back to bed.
A few minutes later he got up and stumbled into the kitchen and I heard a crash. Thinking he had fallen again (he fell twice in the kitchen on Friday night) I went in to see him picking up his 40-oz beer off the floor where he had dropped it. Again it took both me and MV to get it away from him and make him go back to bed. Apparently he went for the beer one more time last night that I didn't know about and MV managed to get it away from him.
On top of the excitement with Dean last night, I had another bit of "fun." I sleep on two air mattresses on the floor -- or should I say I DID. I had noticed when I aired them back up that one of them was lopsided but didn't think much of it. Around 5 a.m. I was thrown into the wall next to my bed. Between hitting the wall and the loud POP at the same time, I spent several seconds thinking I had been in a car accident.
Once I realized I was still in bed, I decided to climb out. This turned out to be very difficult, as I was wedged between the top mattress and the wall. Not only that, the top mattress opposite side of the mattress was about twice as tall as my side. I fell, hard, trying to get out of bed, pulling off my lamp, CPAP, and several other items as I fell. After turning on the light and draining the water out of my CPAP motor (I sure do hope its not damaged), I realized that one of the baffles in the air mattress had popped loose, causing that side of the mattress to suddenly expand, which was what threw me into the wall. I was scared to turn on my CPAP until I am sure it has dried out so I spent the rest of the night without it. Needless to say, I didn't sleep well the rest of the night and I still ache.
To top it all off, my CPAP mask got broken. Fortunately I have another at J's house and will have him bring it when he comes over on Wednesday. Until then I have taped my mask together with masking tape. It looks like the bridge of a geek's glasses. I may also have J bring my old CPAP, in case the current one has problems. It doesn't have enough pressure, but its sure as hell better than sleeping without one. If they think I'm grump when I get up now, just wait until they see me go a couple of days without my CPAP.
Dean's gf from the Phillipines got online and asked me where he was, so I went and told him she was asking about him. He got up to go to the bathroom then get on his computer, but didn't make it. He made it to the bathroom okay, but when I went past the kitchen he wasn't at his computer. I looked a little closer and there he was, lying on the floor in front of the dryer. I don't know if he fell or laid down there, but it took both MV and me to get him up and back to bed.
A few minutes later he got up and stumbled into the kitchen and I heard a crash. Thinking he had fallen again (he fell twice in the kitchen on Friday night) I went in to see him picking up his 40-oz beer off the floor where he had dropped it. Again it took both me and MV to get it away from him and make him go back to bed. Apparently he went for the beer one more time last night that I didn't know about and MV managed to get it away from him.
On top of the excitement with Dean last night, I had another bit of "fun." I sleep on two air mattresses on the floor -- or should I say I DID. I had noticed when I aired them back up that one of them was lopsided but didn't think much of it. Around 5 a.m. I was thrown into the wall next to my bed. Between hitting the wall and the loud POP at the same time, I spent several seconds thinking I had been in a car accident.
Once I realized I was still in bed, I decided to climb out. This turned out to be very difficult, as I was wedged between the top mattress and the wall. Not only that, the top mattress opposite side of the mattress was about twice as tall as my side. I fell, hard, trying to get out of bed, pulling off my lamp, CPAP, and several other items as I fell. After turning on the light and draining the water out of my CPAP motor (I sure do hope its not damaged), I realized that one of the baffles in the air mattress had popped loose, causing that side of the mattress to suddenly expand, which was what threw me into the wall. I was scared to turn on my CPAP until I am sure it has dried out so I spent the rest of the night without it. Needless to say, I didn't sleep well the rest of the night and I still ache.
To top it all off, my CPAP mask got broken. Fortunately I have another at J's house and will have him bring it when he comes over on Wednesday. Until then I have taped my mask together with masking tape. It looks like the bridge of a geek's glasses. I may also have J bring my old CPAP, in case the current one has problems. It doesn't have enough pressure, but its sure as hell better than sleeping without one. If they think I'm grump when I get up now, just wait until they see me go a couple of days without my CPAP.
Friday, August 12, 2011
Time to bitch
Ok. Here's a prime example of the hassles around here. My youngest son, Johnathan, is a manager for a fast food chain over in Amarillo. There store here is in trouble and he is spending 2 days a week over here helping out. Part of the problem is that the store here is in very bad shape but the management won't allow them to close it down while it is brought up to par. Meanwhile, my son finds himself stuck over here with little money to buy food for himself or his crew and they won't eat the food in the store until it is up to his standards. Add to that the fact that the particular chain in question is something of a "one hit wonder" type of establishment (everything is fried and he is NOT supposed to have fried foods due to his health), it is very difficult for him to eat at his own establishment to begin with. He has asked me to bring him (and his crew) a couple of meals a day when they are in town. MV is pissed at me for taking them meals and has Daddy convinced that it is all coming out of HIS pocket, which is is not.
Meanwhile, my sister's son, Dean, has been living here at Daddy's for 3 months. The first month (and then some) he not only didn't contribute, but he "borrowed" money from everyone for his beer, since he is an alcoholic. He is now paying $200 a month in rent and contributes his $40 a month in food stamps toward the household, but the rest of his money goes to his beer and cigarettes. He also carries out the trash, occasionally cooks Daddy's breakfast, and helps Daddy put on his shoes and socks.
I, on the other hand, contribute every penny that I have coming in toward the household, which is only $200, but I save nothing back for myself. Additionally, I help keep track of Daddy's meds, work with the nurses and nurses' aides on Daddy's care (along with my sister), help cook meals, pull my weight with other housework and chores, make sure that MV's and Dean's computers work properly, and fix the phone and other things whenever possible to avoid having to call my brother for every little problem that comes up.. I also set up a bell system within the house to make sure that Daddy can signal us any time he needs help and am always working on any problem that comes up.
Johnathan has never asked any of them for anything, nor would he.
Meanwhile, my sister's son, Dean, has been living here at Daddy's for 3 months. The first month (and then some) he not only didn't contribute, but he "borrowed" money from everyone for his beer, since he is an alcoholic. He is now paying $200 a month in rent and contributes his $40 a month in food stamps toward the household, but the rest of his money goes to his beer and cigarettes. He also carries out the trash, occasionally cooks Daddy's breakfast, and helps Daddy put on his shoes and socks.
I, on the other hand, contribute every penny that I have coming in toward the household, which is only $200, but I save nothing back for myself. Additionally, I help keep track of Daddy's meds, work with the nurses and nurses' aides on Daddy's care (along with my sister), help cook meals, pull my weight with other housework and chores, make sure that MV's and Dean's computers work properly, and fix the phone and other things whenever possible to avoid having to call my brother for every little problem that comes up.. I also set up a bell system within the house to make sure that Daddy can signal us any time he needs help and am always working on any problem that comes up.
Johnathan has never asked any of them for anything, nor would he.
Monday, August 8, 2011
Why I created this separate blog.
This blog is a place for me to vent. Any similarity between people mentioned in this blog is purely intentional. Also, the names generally have NOT been changed because I don't care if I offend anyone with this blog. If you choose to read this blog and see yourself, get over it!
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